yesterday seems close.
I told my sister, "you can take my table, dun buy any new table."
after I said that, I walked away from my favourite little corner of my home.

yesterday she moved a table out of the room.
it was too cramped inside.
I was tight with my feelings inside too.
"control... wei"

I felt this loss.
I was not losing my favourite spot.
I seem, with much fear as I say this, to be losing a sister.
with much regret.
with heavyness in the heart.

she's my sister.
she is.
we used to play at the playgrds togethr.
I have photos of that.
we were smiling the most innocent, happiest smiles
in the photos.

i can understand her.
i can, and I'm going to.
I'm going to try.

"they are beautiful.
becus they are enjoying each other's presence."

a sister, my sister.
times where I hardly love,
times where I made you give up talking with me,
times where I disappoint you,
times where you are upset and discouraged with me,
moments in life where hurt seems to weigh more than being heard
a scar in the heart as for now
a simple sister's love you're seeking........

i know not what to say.
when it comes to her, I am quieter,
even quieter than usual.

you're sleeping now.
are you...happy?